I thought about what I wanted to write for World Diabetes Day.
A week went by.
During that time, we evicted yet another unpleasant round of ketones from our teenager. We also fought a rare, exhausting blood sugar swing of up to 600 mg/dl and hours later, plummeting to 30 mg/dl. We missed a 1/2 day of school, trying to attend at lunch time, only to be picked up later as blood sugar crept yet again, and later, cleaned up a brand-new car from the aftermath of ketones. We comforted tears, we railed at the unfairness and we spoke of hope for the day that all things T1D would disappear.
And yet, during that time, as the 'we' became 'me', not once could I sit down and articulate how I was really feeling...
Anger for the kinked cannula that caused no insulin to enter my daughter's body through the night.
Anger for the continuous glucose monitor that while able to detect blood sugars, was not able to alert to the ketones that were raging war inside my child.
Anger for the unfairness of a child pressed to go back to school during finals week but unable to get beyond one class before her body gave out for a second time.
Anger for discovering that a second infusion site failed to properly inject and instead, created a second bout of high blood sugars.
Anger for the imperfect insulin that while life-saving, delays the ability to feel better quickly.
Those emotions were slowly replaced by sadness at the thought that I was unable to protect my daughter (or her sister) from this horrible autoimmune disease.
Despite our vigilance as a family, the deepest emotion was and continues to be grief that our daughters do indeed suffer and there is nothing that I can do to make it all better.
The reality is that while the world announces a global diabetes day, unless there is a miracle of all miracles, tomorrow, our family will be one of many that continue to live World Diabetes Day, every day.
And the same for the next day. And the day after that. And all of the days until there is a cure.
What I hope is that when the spotlight is no longer on November 14th, that you will continue to express the need for medicine, research, government and private sector to collaborate UNTIL WE HAVE A #CureT1D.
That's our hope and that's what gets us through every day, even World Diabetes Day.