Saturday, June 15, 2013

Happy Father's Day

In 1994, my dad suddenly passed away.  I was in college, living with three other roommates in an apartment off campus when the phone call came in.  I could hear my sister-in-laws unusually worried young voice on the other end of the line.  Tearfully, she asked if I could drive home and meet the rest of the family at the hospital because my dad wasn't doing well.  She explained that he was in the hospital and no one was fully sure of what was happening except that my mom had driven him in after he had complained of chest pains. My boyfriend, now my husband, quickly grabbed his car keys and we drove straight away.  By the time I arrived, my father was already gone.  He suffered several heart attacks after an aneurysm ballooned in his stomach.  It happened so suddenly that none of us really had time to even know how to help him.

I never had the chance to say good-bye or to give him one last hug.  Just barely in my 20s, my dad was long gone.

Because I was so young when he died, my dad never saw me graduate from college or start my first job.  He didn't dance at my wedding, see our first house or see the birth of either of my daughters. 

Many a times I have wondered what he would have thought.  Would he have been proud?  Would have he have cheered us on?  Would he have offered sage advice or loving compliments?

Most of all, I wonder what he would have thought at realizing his two granddaughters, even while beautiful, sweet and smart, were also diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

Would he have supported us?  Learned how to do an injection or calculate carbohydrates for an after school snack?  Would he have cried when we cried?  Would he have rallied around us when the girls had a good or a bad blood sugar day?  Would he have helped pick out a pump color or even let his granddaughters give him an injection?

I'll never know. 

And sadly, my daughters will never know.  Even more sad, they'll never know him.

I'll continue to do my best with stories and tall tales.  Uncle Monkey will fill in the blanks and together, we will be more than enough of a 'grandpa' for all of the grandchildren.

For me personally,one thing that I do know and something that I hold close to my heart is that no matter, we have done an amazing job with this life, even with the added surprise of type 1 diabetes. 

That's more than enough to be proud of and especially to know. 

Love you, Dad.

Happy Father's Day.

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