Monday, December 29, 2014

A Look Back and A Look Ahead

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Another year is quickly shuttering.  As I peek into the 2015 window full of exhilarating, wonderful and exciting possibilities, I can't help but to reflect on where we are TODAY. 

That is, after all, one of my biggest life lessons since T1d came into our lives; Live in the now.  

This is a biggie.  The kind of lesson that if you are like me, you learn when you are thrust into a life-changing, permanently altered universe.  This is the realization that all too often 'now' is gone before you even get a moment to blink.  

Today, my 'now' is this; the Naturally Sweet Sisters are growing up in leaps and bounds.  Not just in the realization that they are both almost my height and shoe size, but I am reminded by that as my phone and Facebook is suddenly full of pictures of only youngest daughter.  Her sister, a teenager, is often without me and doing all of those glorious things that wonderfully independent teens do.  I am thankful too.  I wished for this when she was first diagnosed.  Even saying a small prayer in hopes that her life would be just as it would have regardless of T1d.  As we continue through each year, I see this wish coming true, over and over.  Even if it is hard on my motherly heart, I am forever grateful for this.

I appreciate my stolen moments while I check oldest daughter's blood sugar as she sleeps, whispering 'I love you' and hearing as she sleep-talks into saying, "I love you too".  I love hearing her as she asks my advice on how to handle a situation or if her outfit is alright.  She makes my heart soar with pride and at the exact same time, has taught me that I still need to grow a bit more in order to learn of how to cope with those teenaged mood swings.  After all, as all of my friends gleefully point out, I have TWO girls headed into deep growing years.  I have to learn to cope.

At this moment, I have been given another gift of spending a little alone time with her younger sister.  We have declared our upcoming year, the "Year of Adventure" and together, youngest daughter loves planning fun day trips with mom, dad and sister (when she is not busy) to museums, shows or even just long walks around our town.  She tells me everything and I savor her words as they are filled with joy and happiness that only eleven years can bring.  Every moment is truly an adventure.

Which brings me to the realization that I have learned to let go a bit more.  Mostly of the mad hold that I had on T1d care.  I loosened the reins and I made decisions to help the girls learn through their own triumphs and failures.  College is now part of our lexicon and I realize that I have a little more than four years before that becomes a reality.  In a way, achieving their independence has become a long-term goal of my parenting.  I know they will need to make critical decisions and understand the ins and outs of daily care from supply ordering to pump settings changes and a million carb-insulin-activity-induced decisions in-between.  

At this exact moment, I know that I am not the person that I was eight years ago.  I have changed.  I have grown more into the person that I needed to be, but also the person that I wanted to be.  Ironically, T1d gave me both heartbreak and strength.  I also recognize with giddy anticipation that there is more yet to be accomplished.  While the girls may need me less that has offered the possibilities of finding personal fulfillment.  I traveled without the family, spoke passionately to others about my personal platform of improving patient/family care and met many other deeply committed shareholders both with and without T1D.  Like peeling layers of an onion, there is so much more than 'mother' in my circle of reference.  I am feeling it for the first time.

And with that, I welcome 2015.  

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